This is what God instructs when a man gets married.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24 (NKJV)

Honor?

There are a number of ways a man or woman may chose to leave home. One is in the way of submission. The Bible gives additional instruction about submitting to one another in the marriage relationship. As adults we are no longer obligated to submit to our parents. Though, I have known men at the age of 50 still submitting to their mothers. There are some cultures and religions that expect you to submit to your parents for life. Some interpret this to be an obligation as honoring your parents’. I have not seen this go well for the marriage relationship. In fact, I have seen it cause significant conflict.

Letting go

Mothers may still be dictating family holidays, family decisions, interfering with and manipulating to control the adult married children. When grandchildren are in the picture, this becomes even a bigger challenge. This is an article I refer to in my book called, “Inappropriate Authority”. We are still instructed to Honor our parents. We can show respect and have concern for their care when they can no longer care for themselves. We do not need to cut off from them unless the relationship is volatile. But when mom or dad try to run your life, you can simply respond in a respectful way, something like “that’s interesting” , “we will think/pray about that”, “that may not be for us right now”, or “thanks for your suggestion, but I don’t think we can do that”.

Obligation

Another way we might leave is from financial responsibility. I have seen married couples under control of the father because he is assisting them financially. They might be renting a house from mom and dad or relying on mom and dad to bail them out when they get over-extended financially. One or the other may be working in the family business. All these ways give the parents leverage over the couple where they are not free to make decisions about their family without the parents having concern or objection. The couple may feel obligated to do what mom and dad want rather than what is best for them as a couple.

Other ways to leave

For a single or married person, there is a time everyone needs to leave and become a separate individual. During our first year in missions, I learned at the age of 45, I had a number of beliefs, prejudices and opinions that were not my own. I soon realized I needed to challenge my belief system by applying God’s word and principles to my own belief system. Most of my belief system was established by my family of origin, peers, teachers, or other authority figures in my life. Another authority that influenced me were the opinions and beliefs taught in our local church. A few of these beliefs were not in- line with scripture or weren’t how God wants us to view others.

A bad influence

Another significant way some may leave home is by removing anything that has attachment to a family member who has been a bad influence. An example for us was a diamond studded watch that my wife inherited from her mother. This watch had been appraised for about $3000. Because of the many hurts and offences her mother had caused my wife and our children, we donated it to a church auction. Removing this from our house was a significant step for my wife in leaving home.

Take a look at your position as a separate individual. Are there some ways you may not have left home? Is there something that has you stuck?